An invitation

On Sunday morning I was very kindly invited by Kate @Avocado Events to attend the Bump and Baby Expo at York Racecourse. Now before you all call me out, yes I have not got a bump or a baby (and it ain’t gonna happen so don’t be getting excited, I’m 44 you know!). However you all know how much I appreciate supporting small and local businesses.  And in addition to that there were two really quite special ladies, who I really wanted to meet and listen to.

Now I am not denying that listening to Sally (@Mumsback) and Vicki (@Honestmum) was amazing and inspirational.  In fact I’m still buzzing from chatting to them afterwards, and will share more during the week.  But actually something hit me before I’d even got to the event, before I’d even left the drive…

That nagging doubt, the tightening of chest.  Wondering what the hell I’m doing what I’m doing, but something changed that morning.  Something made me get ready, made me get in the car and drive to the racecourse.  Even though my head was screaming at me not to…

So...

I spent the next two hours at the expo.  Talking to local and small businesses, taking pics, meeting other bloggers and listening to Sally & Vicki.  I didn’t self combust, I wasn’t approached by security and asked to leave.  I was there in my own right and I deserved to be there.

Not alone

I remember being secretly so proud of myself for actually attending.  Not making an excuse, not using my kids as an excuse, not using my husband as excuse, anything really…  and then I listened to Sally and Vicki talk about exactly the same feelings!  We are not alone ladies, not matter how successful we are.  No matter what we do, woman generally have this innate default to apologise for getting to where they have in life, or panicking about being there.   When we introduce ourselves as ‘just a blogger’ or ‘just a cleaner’, ‘just a mum’;  just an anything is so wrong!!! We are stronger than we know, look at everything we have overcome and achieved as women, we should be proud not apologetic!

Frauds

Even the famous feel as we do:

‘When I won the Oscar, I thought it was a fluke. I thought everybody would find out, and they’d take it back. They’d come to my house, knocking on the door, “Excuse me, we meant to give that to someone else. That was going to Meryl Streep.”‘  Jodie Foster

And even they think their peers are more warranted…

‘You think, “Why would anyone want to see me again in a movie? And I don’t know how to act anyway, so why am I doing this?”‘  Meryl Streep

It’s believed that 70% of people experience imposter syndrome in their working life.  So how do we deal with it, this article from Charlotte Brown and Glug HQ gives some great tips to deal with the day to day.  And Honest Mum Vicki, explains the feelings perfectly here.

Battle of the sexes

Impostor syndrome is not a uniquely female phenomenon.  Research suggests that there is a male/female element in how people are affected it.

This article by Curiosity.com suggests:

…”harsh feedback seemed to especially affect male students with high impostor feelings — they reported higher anxiety, made less effort, and showed a trend towards poorer performance, as compared to others given positive feedback,” reports the British Psychological Society Research Digest blog. “In contrast, female students with high imposter feelings responded to harsh feedback by increasing their effort and showing superior performance.”

Strength

This shows us just how strong we are ladies! We are stronger than we realise.  Let’s start believing in ourselves and not apologising for what we do and what we have achieved.

So basically what I am saying is if I can overcome that crippling anxiety, if I can fight it and not let it win, then you can too! I’m not saying it’ll be easy, it’s one day at a time, but let’s take each day together.

Fay x