Summer Holiday!

  • No of times I wanted to kill my husband: 7 (the exact number of nights we were on holiday!)
  • No of accidents by Daisy: lost count!
  • No of times Daisy escaped the garden: 0 (the chicken wire has done the trick)
  • No of times Samuel escaped the garden: lost count! (shame the chicken wire doesn’t keep him in)
  • No of times I burst into tears: 2 (a day?!)
  • No of gin bottles in the recycling: lost count (took some to bottle bank so as not to look too alcoholic obvs)

The Summer holidays bring all sorts of new and exciting expensive adventures.  But can I just ask, who the frig decided that children need to ‘do’ something every day?!  What happened to just chilling at home and making s**t out of cardboard boxes, or spending hours in the garden and fields ‘playing’, or in the case of my 13 year old, sleeping!

Social holiday!

You will notice that I go a little quiet on social media over the holidays, there are various reasons for this.

  1. I’m too busy staving off fights over the last of the milk or the best packet of crisps.  Dealing with melt downs over not being able to go to Energi (other trampoline parks are available) every single day of the holidays.  Coping with 3 boys who are continually hungry and thirsty as if they have been starved for weeks.
  2. I actually can’t deal with all the ‘perfect’ photos of everyone else doing stuff in the holidays.  Stunning photos of kids enjoying the outdoors, playing gleefully with their mates, on glorious holidays where everyone is happy and smiling.

There is nothing more guilt inducing than looking at these photos and affirming what a s**t mother you must be because you allow your kids to sleep past lunchtime, stay on their Xbox for half the day or watch their iPad for more than 30 minutes a day.

And how come everyone else seems to go on amazing holidays every year and to go on trips every other day to kids attractions and historical outings.  Maybe there is some secret club that mum’s all join – like a closed Facebook Group – that I missed out on cause I was too busy cleaning up dog poo from the kitchen floor and secretly pouring gin into a mug so I could drink at 1pm without anyone knowing?!

Here is my summer holidays…

Day 1

Lie in, remember we have a dog, get up and take Daisy out for a wee, give her breakfast.  Take breakfast up to the small child who is attached to his iPad in his ‘den’ (this is basically his covers and every pillow he can find on the floor under the bloody captains bed I bought for him, sleep on the actual bed man!!!!!!).  Realise you have given the dog the porridge and Samuel the dog food, quickly swap.  Make first cup of tea.  Feel excited for the holidays and everything I am going to achieve.  Think about blog to write to show these achievements.  Start the clear out of the spare room, manage an hour before realising it looks worse than it did and This Morning is on.  Fall asleep on sofa and wake up an hour later, meanwhile little man is still on his iPad and the bigger two are still fast asleep.  Well it is Day 1 after all, i’ll get them up earlier tomorrow.  Think about blog to write.  Look at the spare room for an hour or so, moving piles from one side of the room to the other.  Realise that the small one has actually got himself dressed and sneaked out the back door to ‘garden’.  Remove large shears from said small person and turn off the outside tap before he fully floods the garden.  Look at clock and realise that it’s 4pm, that’s definitely an okay time for gin on holiday.  Think about a blog to write.  Cook three different teas (brunch for the bigger two).  Take Daisy for a walk.  Cook tea for me and the OH.  Pour another gin.  Think about a blog to write.  Put small one to bed with his iPad (yes, yes I did!) and check the bigger two are still alive/awake in their rooms.  Think about blog to write. Pour another gin.  Sit on sofa for ‘just 5 mins’ with Daisy to have cuddles.  3 hours later realise that it’s time for bed…

Day 2

Lie in, remember we have a dog, get up and take Daisy out for a wee, give her breakfast.  Take breakfast up to the small child who is yet again attached to his iPad in his den.  Make first cup of tea.  Feel less excited for the holidays and everything I am going to achieve.  Think about blog to write.  Continue the clear out of the spare room, manage an hour before realising it looks worse than it did yet again and This Morning is on.  Fall asleep on sofa and wake up an hour later, meanwhile little man is still on his iPad and the bigger two are still fast asleep.  Well it is Day 2 after all, I’ll get them up earlier tomorrow.  Think about blog to write.  Look at the spare room for another hour or so.  Realise that the small one has got himself dressed again and sneaked out the back door.  Fetch him from adjoining field before he cajoles a lift on the Combine Harvester, never to be seen again.  Look at clock and realise that it’s 3pm, that’s definitely an okay time for gin on holiday.  Think about a blog to write.  Fall asleep for an hour on sofa with Daisy.  Cook three different teas (brunch for the bigger two).  Take Daisy for a walk.  Cook tea for me and the OH.  Pour another gin.  Think about a blog to write.  Put small one to bed with his iPad (yes I did it again!) and check the bigger two are still alive/awake in their rooms.  Think about blog to write. Pour another gin.  Sit on sofa for ‘just 5 mins’ with Daisy to have cuddles.  4 hours later realise that it’s time for bed…

Day 3-35

I think you get the idea…. Somewhere in there I finished the spare room, but gave up at the hall as it all got too much.  Technology won (I was a gamer myself so maybe i’m a little soft), Daisy won, Gin won.

Day 36

HOLIDAY!!!!!!! We’re driving to Northern France this year.  The OH and middle bigger one are already in Vienna whilst the OH competes in a Squash Tournament.  He did want this to be our ‘family’ holiday, I politely declined.  So on the Saturday after sitting for 5 hours in the hairdressers chair (I had the appointment booked for over 2 months, I wasn’t cancelling and yes that is the average length of time I spend there, it’s my only luxury!) I had to rush back, shove the eldest bigger one and the smaller one in the car (the car had been packed since Wednesday, i’m a tad anal/anxious about packing) and drive down to Stanstead to pick them up.  3 hours later we arrive at Stanstead and marvel at my amazing driving ability, like a proper grown up, with amazing hair too!  Pick them up, head through the Dartford tunnel and stop off for a McD’s before collapsing in a Premier Inn for the night.

Day 37

Up at 7am! Luckily boys excited so waking them isn’t too bad, more Famous Five go Camping, than Kevin and Perry.  Journey pretty uneventful until we arrive at our destination and discover a town parade means every and I mean every road to our AirB&B for the week is closed.  Thank f**k for SatNav, so after being exactly 2 mins from our destination, a quick 30 mins later #seriously and we finally arrive and unpack. Where’s the Champagne… well it is France!

Day 38-43

Little man and me get up late morning and chill for a while downstairs.   He plays in the walled garden (and relax) and I have a good book and a cup of tea.  OH gets up late morning and heads off to the Patisserie for Baguette, Pan Aux Chocolate and Croissants.  Sometimes we all go, sometimes just OH and the little one, and we always have a wander along the promenade.  Breakfast is eaten (hard for me gluten free and all, sometimes you just have to give in), and then we try and persuade the bigger two to get up and do something.  Most of the time we go to the beach and enjoy, sometimes we don’t bother.  But every night after tea we all sit down to play UNO, Monopoly and Draughts and I bask in my achievement as a wonderful mother where her whole family can sit down socially together and converse, laugh and enjoy family time #goodtimes  Well before the arguments start over cheating and official rules!

Day 44

Little man and me get up early morning.   Yes he is on his iPad and I begin stressing about packing the car and have a cup of tea.  OH gets up still heads off to the Patisserie for Baguette, Pan Aux Chocolate and Croissants.  Breakfast is eaten whilst I persuade the bigger two to get up before lunchtime.  OH starts packing the car.  I get anxious as he isn’t packing ‘properly’.  Re-pack what is already in the car.  Remove what is packed as I’ve forgotten and packed little ones clean pants.  Re-pack car.  Remove what is packed again as bigger one has managed to get chocolate on top, and needs clean one.  Re-pack car.  Set off for Ferry. Get given short straw in lane choice at terminal.  Get on Ferry LAST!!!!! Eventually find 5 seats together, smell vomit from previous crossing #suchfun  #4hourstogo  Get back in car.  Due to being last on, you’d think we’d be first off…  No No No, LAST OFF THE F**KING FERRY AGAIN! 1 whole hour later!  Cue a 5 hour journey with full car, 3 boys in the back “the booster seat isn’t in the middle mum”, “he’s putting his arm near me”, “he looked at me”, “he breathed”. Definitely more Kevin and Perry this time, the Famous Five have been murdered and slaughtered and packed in the boot! Kill me now…

Ten thirty pm we arrive home, luckily the eldest two just take themselves off to bed, but the youngest is beyond tired and takes some convincing to go to bed.  By eleven thirty i’m in bed.  I have work in the morning, have no idea what to wear, or really care, my hair needs washing and I need a shower.  Is it all over yet?

Day 45

BACK TO SCHOOL!   For me anyway.

Day 46

BACK TO SCHOOL for the boys… okay so it turned out it was only for the smaller one, but I’m pretty sure the bigger two weren’t that annoyed at me for getting them up at 7am and sending them to the bus stop at 8am only to realise they didn’t start back till tomorrow (I did have an inkling, but never acted on that LOL).

Day 47

BACK TO SCHOOL FOR ALL!

Who said these were the best years of our lives…  Pass the gin!