Since my PTSD diagnosis and subsequent recovery via EMDR therapy I have been more and more aware of just how it affected my life.  However what has also interested me is just how much anxiety affects us and isn’t spoken about.  And also how much of my own behaviour has and is affected by anxiety.  It’s become very clear that as well as PTSD that I suffer from social anxiety too.

Types of Anxiety

  • Generalised Anxiety Disorder
  • Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD)
  • Panic Disorder
  • Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)
  • Social Anxiety

To read more on each please click here

anxiety-girl-able-to-jump-to-the-worst-conclusion-in-a-single-bound

For so long I assumed that my ‘worries’ were down to insecurity, it never occurred to me that it was actual anxiety.  And half of this is because it is rarely talked about.  However more and more of us are willing to talk openly, to break down the barriers. A new BBC series lifts the lid on some of our most well known celebrities and their struggles with mental health.

How does it manifest?

So I’ve noticed in just the last week, three specific incidences where my anxiety has been triggered:

Singing lesson – Anticipatory Anxiety (Panic Disorder)

Some of my followers will know that I decided to do something that I’ve wanted to do for a very long time and take singing lessons.  I love to sing.  My second lesson was last Friday and the negative ninny voices were working a treat.  I let them win and I didn’t go to my lesson.  I convinced myself I was rubbish, that I wasn’t really worthy of the lessons.  However for once I was honest about why and my lovely lovely friend Jo was so understanding, and that makes all the difference.  So I’m resolute that next time, even if I only manage to go for a cup of tea and a natter, I need to go! I will go!

Conference – Post-event Processing (Social Anxiety)

I had a conference in London this time last week.  It was such a great time with friends (new and old).  However by the time I’d got home and as the days passed, I’d convinced myself that I’d made a fool of myself, that my friends would think I was just stupid.  It was all completely unfounded, but it weighed so heavily on my mind.

Party – Anticipatory Anxiety (Panic Disorder)

We were invited to a friends party on Sunday evening and I was really looking forward to.  However after some comments made to me the night before that were pretty hurtful and unsolicited, my emotional state was not at it’s best.  I spent the day literally just trying to contain myself.  A trip to the cinema with the boys (as promised days earlier) was hoped to help, but actually nearly broke me. I realised quickly that I was in far to fragile a state to be at such a large social occasion.  Again unlike previously I decided to be honest with a friend as to why I couldn’t attend, and it was refreshing to be met with understanding and acceptance.

Let’s be honest

Okay so some people may react with dismissal, with scorn.  But I can honestly say that starting to be honest now about why I fail to make social appointments; or why I go quiet after a great night, has been really refreshing.

We all suffer from ‘anxiety’ at times, just like people say their child has OCD because they line their cars up.  It’s not as simple as that, I really wish it was.  Anxiety disorders affect peoples ability to live a normal life, see the effects here.  It means we cannot function with the balanced reason that most of society do.  It’s bloody hard, and it’s bloody draining…

Being honest helps!

Fay x

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